WHY DO I LOOK SAD?

Why do I look sad?
A mate came to me and wondered the reason why I looked sad.I hadn't been aware of my revealing sorrow until that moment. I responded - ''Oh, not really . I am just sleepy , not sad at all. Though, my answer was not reasonable enough to fool myself . It gave me more sorrow that later I would have to face.

The moment when I and myself were gathered , together and alone, only surrendered by silence I studied my sorrow. Yet, it was quiet hard to find the real reasons of it. Maybe, it was not so difficult to find the reasons, the harder thing was to encounter them as causes,which would give me more pain to me. However, I did not try to escape, I came closer slyly, as if I was strong enough to overcome them completely. Afterwards, I found myself on the way. There were stairs but I didn't know whether I should go up or go down. But it came to my mind that it had to be something underground. Then I followed the direction appeared in my mind.

There was nothing visual there. Only the voices. I heard voices screaming, crying. I asked to the voices- Why do I look sad? And they told me-
'Because they always expected you to wait for the next day, for the next month, for the next year, even for the next decades. And they made you believe that in those days your time will come to be happy. They never encouraged you to believe that it was possible to be content and happy today. They wanted you to believe in things that they believed.You were not taught to believe in yourself. You couldn't know that today would be fine. To live in the present, with a total conscious mind was the crucial thing. You were not allowed to know. They wouldn't let you. You woke up with the same all anxious mind, a fear in your heart. You escaped from the shining sun, a cloudless sky because you waited for the next summer. Every day that passed left you nothing but more sadness, less satisfactory...''.

I couldn't stand it anymore, I just ran from the voices.
But who am I escape from the other people even if there were not inner voices?

I was perplexed, I was in the middle. The others ,the voices... Everything was killing me.